Fictional fancying

Or, a rant about Smurfs!

Hello friends! Since there was some consensus in the comments on my last newsletter about the preferableness of the Beast as the Beast, rather than the Beast as the Man, I thought I would re-post the pictures below, which I put on Instagram in 2019. Hopefully we can then chat further about the strange laws of attraction as regards fictional characters.

I remember when I thought of this post, I thought I’d be able to think of tons of examples - and then only managed these three.

But writing this now made me think again of one of my favourite childhood cartoons, The Smurfs. Putting aside the excellent plots, character studies, allegories of real life etc - what really attracted me to The Smurfs was the absolute fantasy life that I perceived Smurfette to be living. She was one lone (beautifully coiffed, amazingly shod) woman, living in a village entirely of men. Like a reverse retirement village!

I have long had a memory, and it has taken me until this very day to verify it - of an episode of The Smurfs where all the Smurfs propose marriage to Smurfette. They enumerate their various qualities (Handy: “I’m so handy”/ Hefty: “I’m so strong” - it’s not clear what Grouchy Smurf was able to bring to the table) to argue why they and not the others should be her swain. In my memory, this “plot” was driven by a dearth of Smurfs (dearth of Smurfs!), and a need to procreate.

Reading the episode (“Romeo and Smurfette” :-(((( ) synopsis, I was clearly more randy than Hanna-Barbera: this sudden desire for marriage was in fact driven by “spring fever”, “when a young Smurf’s fancy turns to thoughts of love” (they all go on heat). I almost couldn’t finish reading the article - it’s revolting AND you have to have a very high tolerance for repetition of the word “Smurf” (Fellow Gen-Xers may remember too that the Smurfs used the word as a noun, verb and adjective. YES SMURFIN’ WAY!!!)

In the end, Smurfette declares herself too young for marriage, and they all go happily back to normal Smurf activities. Given the median age of a Smurf is about 200, I admire her forbearance. A whirlwind courtship only blows dust in everyone’s eyes, after all.

Anyway I’m sure this is enough Smurfchat for you. But before you all Smurf off, do comment with any ill-conceived childhood fictional crushes you had! And remember, this is a family show, so keep your sex dream about Skeletor to yourself!

Thank you for reading The ReposiTORy!

Why not smurf this post with your fellow schtroumfs?